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Health & Fitness

Sharing Tears and Smiles at Sunday's Pet Memorial

Nearly 50 people gathered to hear three speakers and honor their lost pets with tributes and a dove release at Chartiers Custom Pet Cremation's seventh annual Pet Memorial Sunday ceremony.

The rain moved all around us but never fell on our tent as nearly 50 people found a place to share their grief and joy, remembering their pets.

Deb Chebatoris, owner of Chartiers Custom Pet Cremation and host of the event for the seventh year, opened with a welcome, and a moment of silence in recognition of the tenth anniversary of September 11, 2001.

She continued with a thank you to those who attended the pet memorial on this special day. “And this being Pittsburgh,” she continued, “I want to thank you for choosing to attend this ceremony while the Steelers are playing the first game of the season,” eliciting a murmur of chuckles as attendees smiled at each other and relaxed.

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Those attending are usually families of Chartiers Custom Pet Cremation who have lost a pet in the past year, or even in years past. Families gather and are encouraged to bring a photo or memento of their pet to place on the table and display board at the front of the tent during the ceremony.

The program includes two speakers, a reading of brief tributes sent by the families in attendance, the release of doves and then a final speaker.

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Our Last Moments Together

The first speaker was Dr. Brad Carmichael of Pleasant Valley Veterinary Clinic who spoke about “Our Last Moments Together” with our pet.

“I’m sorry you even have a reason to be here,” he began, and then went on to discuss being with your pet before or during its death, and the decision of euthanasia.

“If anyone here has any doubts, regrets or guilt about that decision, put them aside,” Carmichael said. “Think about this—when we get together and talk about how we’d prefer to die, what do we say? We’d like to go in our sleep. And isn’t this what we’ve done for our beloved pets? If you made that decision, you’ve given a gift,” he continued.

Our Initial Grief Response

The next speaker was Elizabeth Babcock, LCSW, who also moderates the “Healing Hearts” pet loss session CCPC holds every February and also numbers among CCPC families, spoke about “Our Initial Grief Response”.

 “Grief is a normal, healthy response to the life-altering loss you’ve suffered,” she said, and went on to remind us that our loss has touched every part of our life physically and emotionally.

Allow your feelings to happen, she advised, and do whatever feels right for yourself within reason, and give yourself a break from grieving now and then so that you don’t exhaust yourself. Let your grief unfold in its own way and for as long as you need, and both seek the company of others who “get it” and avoid those who don’t. Lower your expectations of yourself for a while, she continued, and take good care of yourself.

But grief is a process and does eventually come to an end. If you feel that your grieving process is getting out of your control, or if a person you love and trust tells you they feel you may not be healing from your grief, then this has become “complicated grief” and it’s perfectly appropriate to seek help.

Family Tributes

Chebatoris encourages families to compose tributes of up to 50 words for their pets to be read aloud as part of the ceremony. These were read alternately by Chebatoris and Bernadette Kazmarski, another speaker, turning the rain stick between each one.

The Dove Release

Everyone stepped outside the tent for the release of doves, symbolizing the ability to let go of cherished pets and let them fly free while still loving them, watching the graceful white birds wheel and swirl among the trees, disappearing into the sky, listening to Celine Dion’s “Fly”.

The Joy of Pets

Bernadette E. Kazmarski, local artist and writer, spoke about the joy of pets, and loving another pet after a loss.

“I am one of Deb’s families, several times over,” she began, “and I am so glad I found her.”

Kazmarski paints commissioned portraits of pets, and often they are commissioned around a pet’s loss so she works with grieving families as part of her artwork, hoping to help ease their grief with a portrait that commemorates what they loved about their pet or family of pets.

She has also rescued and fostered cats for about 25 years, and in that time has had her own share of losses, 13 to be exact, and while it’s never easy she does have an idea what to expect and uses that to help others.

She related a story of the loss of her four oldest cats all within one year, then the loss to FIP of a kitten she’d fostered during that year who ended up staying with her. The kitten’s mother lived across the street, ready to deliver another litter of kittens. Kazmarski decided to take her in, and cuddling, kissing and loving that litter of newborns and their mother was the perfect healing for the pain of all that loss.

She told the audience, “As deeply as you loved, so do you grieve, but after the grief wears away it leaves the only love, shining like a diamond. Look back through your photos and see your lifetime of pets, and what do you remember? Not the grief, only the love,” she finished.

Tribute Scroll

The photos and tributes gathered during the ceremony will be produced into a slideshow with musical accompaniment, “Tribute Scroll 2011”. This will be found on the Chartiers Custom Pet Cremation website, www.ccpc.ws along with the 2010 Tribute Scroll from last year’s Pet Memorial Sunday ceremony.

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