My Problem with Girl Scout Cookies

Girl Scout cookie math is dangerous stuff.

People say you can mince words and you can take them out of context. Words can help or hurt—but you can do anything with numbers.

Especially those revolving around that once-a-year-treat: Girl Scout cookies.

Take me, for example.

Here was my Girl Scout math: The Girl Scouts are a fabulous organization. It helps empower young girls and give them confidence—and by God I wanted to support that effort. And let’s face it: It’s gauche not to give at least $10 to a good cause, right? So, since two Girl Scouts asked me if I wanted to buy cookies, it was encumbered upon me to support them with at least a Hamilton apiece.

Prudent reasoning, huh?

Here’s the actual math: I bought six boxes of Girl Scout cookies. They each cost $4—thus I spent $24 for cookies. Again: For six boxes.

Two words: Completely unnecessary.

But that’s what Girl Scout cookies (and the associated and often problematic math) do to a person.

It’s like Christmas time, in some ways. We indulge too much.

But then again, like Christmas, they make the season a little richer. After all, this is the wasteland before winter and spring—with no NFL to boot (forgive me, I don’t know enough to be an educated Pens fans. Mentor wanted: Call me Grasshopper).

Sometimes, at this time of year, happiness can be a Trefoil.

Or a Thin Mint.

Or a Do-Si-Do.

Or perhaps even a Samoa.

See? You can do anything with numbers.

Editor’s Note: As for my six boxes? Two of those went to my uncle, who ate an entire sleeve of cookies in one sitting. Asked if that wasn’t just a little much, he reasoned: “Once you get to the point of no return you may as well eat the rest.” Three other boxes have yet to be claimed. Those boxes are intended for my sister, brother in law and niece and nephew. Those last Trefoils, though? Admittedly, those are all mine.

This column originally appeared on Canon-Mac Patch